I will probably die from this.

Holy Crap, I have really got to get a grip on this sleep apnea thing.
They say that, over time, sleep apnea can do a lot of damage, and not just to relationships (I have yet to meet a man who thinks waking him up, gasping for air with a purplish tint and tears running down my face is cute). I guess the idea is that reducing oxygen to the brain, even if it's just for a minute, can have a cumulative effect and will eventually cause heart and brain damage...awesome.

That said, it probably has a lot of power in determining the theme of some of the dreams I have. The whole drowning, suffocating, monster on my chest, panic that I experience during non-waking hours just might have less to do with the enormous and constant stress I am under than some biological or psychological dysfunction I have picked up in the past two years which causes me to stop breathing.

Or maybe elves are sneaking into my room and trying to smother me in my sleep...I'm not really sure...

I had somehow managed to get a job as a school counselor. I don't think I applied for or otherwise sought out this job, because I was decidedly not into it. I was getting a tour of the school from the principle or something and we were walking through the cafeteria, filled with obnoxious and very loud middle school aged kids. I just wanted to take the damn tour, but the principle was determined to make me interact with the little monsters and I ended up taking over "lunch duty". I was helping the little bastards clear their trays and trying to calm them down to human levels and all the other glamorous activities that go along with the position of "lunch room professional".
I was really not into it.
not at all

After the not-at-all-fun tour of lunch duty, I went up to the office to fill out paperwork and was introduced to the other "mental health professionals" (read: social workers. bless their hearts) who would be showing me around for the rest of the day. It was a big school.

We walked through the school as a group with some weird social worker man as our fearless leader. He was a snotty queen and did not speak to me. Actually, none of them spoke to me. So not only did I feel a great sense of dread regarding the craptastic job that had just fallen into my lap, I felt out of place and unwanted. Again, awesome.

Guess what? the school was apparently housed in the same building as the jail in which I did my internship (a waking reality, though there is no school there). As we were walking through the hall that connected the jail and the school, I saw some women that (waking) I had sort of worked with at the jail. They were getting on an elevator so I decided to ditch the douchy social work gang and I launched myself onto the elevator just as the doors were closing. The two women were really happy to see me and were all huggy and stuff (in real life I would never touch them. I don't hug). I was actually pretty glad to see them too--genuinely, not just because they represented an escape from the group I had been with.

We rode down on the elevator and were catching up and all that perfunctory crap, when a voice from the elevator's speaker said hello to me. It was one of the men from the jail. we talked for a minute and then he (who was controlling the elevator) decided to screw with me.

this is probably when I stopped breathing

He dropped the elevator really fast. really really fast. I was holding on to one of the women I was with because I was afraid I would be thrown around the elevator. I felt like I was going to pass out because the pressure was all wonky.

Then the shape of the elevator started to change. First, it started shrinking. Then it went from the traditional cube-like elevator shape to a spherical, submarine vessel thing. You know those little round observation shuttle-y thingies with the bubble-y windows that look like they belong on fast food restaurant playgrounds? No? well figure it out, because it was just like that.

One of the women I was with started yelling at the elevator controller guy, "STOP!!! TOO FAST, TOO FAST!!!"

We finally stopped dropping and one of the women quickly ejected herself through a little hole in the ceiling. I guess we were all going to exit the elevator that way because the other woman I was with went over to the hole like she was going to exit, too. Unfortunately, there was water leaking into the elevator-submarine-thing and she couldn't get out. She shouted to the controller and he was able to fix the problem (no idea how) long enough for her to leave.

Ah, poor little me...it was too late.
I found myself stuck on the elevator (which was filling with water) alone. Even the controller guy wouldn't respond to me.
I wasn't even struggling as the elevator filled. i just stood there until the water was over my head.

then I woke up.

alive.

and blue.

x